Lovin' los libros

Although my natural inclination is to clam up, I know it must have been tough for Will to just let that all out. So I lean my head against his back and admit to him something I haven’t done before. “Nepal reminds me of somebody I love.” I swallow the growing lump in my throat. Even now, four months in, it’s incredibly difficult to talk about Jonah. “I was sad today because when I heard some people talking in the diner about Tibet, I thought of this person, and of what Nepal means to him.” I take a deep breath and count to ten, because saying this next part is like stabbing myself in the gut. “I miss him so much it makes it hard to breathe. Sometimes it’s hard to move on, when memories refuse to let you go.”

Will’s voice reverberates through me when he quietly asks, “Did he die?”

I tell Will a lot—but I cannot talk anymore about Jonah with him. With anyone, really. All he knows is that love has broken me, too, and that I’m in no place to even contemplate a relationship. So much of me wants to open the floodgates, though, let Will into the dark parts of my heart like he’s slowly been letting me in, and someday I will do just that. It’s just . . .  I need more time.